Teenage Mom to Mom

by Ceria
(Texas)

I am sixteen years old and my mommy who is 50 years old has just recovered from Meningitis (The bacterial). By recovered I mean that she can talk but that is where the positives stop.

Mom is bed ridden and can only sometimes sit on a chair for a short period of time. At first when mom returned from the hospital, things were as good as they could be with the sole parent, bread winner and caregiver of my household being sick.

We had a great caretaker and although there was some tension in the family, I paid no attention. Mom was on the mend and I was sure that in a few months she would be back to herself. Fast forward a few months, this is not the case. Mom is still bedridden and although she looks like the woman I call 'mom', she is not. She cries and cries and cries and has no qualms about yelling mine and my brother's names over and over to tend to sometimes silly needs. She has a slight mental problem where she sometimes mistakes me for her sister and her coworker.

Her voice has gone up in pitch and she has taken to verbally abusing the new caretaker since the previous one had to quit because of family requirements. Our new caretaker is not as good as the previous one. She comes late, leaves early and brings her children who are quite rambunctious to work with her.

On some days she fails to even show up and I have to take care of mom sometimes for 5 days in a row by myself. My aunt who used to frequent the house is mostly M.I.A because she has been put on bed rest because of pregnancy. The rest of my family members seem not to care. There is also a problem with finances where a family member who I previously used to admire is hellbent on controlling my mother's money. I have no access to my mom's account because of his manipulative ways even though I am essentially the head of the household.

I am so frustrated and sad sometimes. I feel completely lonely. I miss my friends who I barely see because of my duties to mom and some of whom I feel I lost my connection with because of my situation. I feel angry at my family members who visit far and few in between. I miss having a life even though I was never a social butterfly.

Sometimes I am even mean to my mom even though I don't want to be. I even wish her dead or even myself just to end this pit of helplessness and hopelessness I have fallen into. I was hoping to get a job this Summer but that seems less and less likely since the caretaker is showing up less and less frequently. I miss my mom and I miss normalcy.

I once broached the subject of a home to my mom and she freaked out. I love her but I am so sick and tired of everything.
Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I selfish? These questions often fill my mind but I am beginning not to care...

I am only sixteen years old and I don't deserve this. Neither does my mom who has worked her ass off since sixteen to provide for herself and at the time new-born baby. My mom was the unluckiest of her family members and it seems that me as her only daughter seems to be continuing the cycle. My brother who is here has a new baby and is not a strong help in taking care of mommy though he pays the house bills etc. and my other brother is away in England...

Anyway whoever decides to give this a read, thanks for taking the time.