How to Approach a Parent About Moving Into Assisted Living Care

It can be difficult to have a productive conversation about your parents' living arrangements, but if you honestly show you're not trying to take over and tell you parents what to do, it will be easier. And remember - your parents don't want to be a burden to you so don't be afraid to discuss things.

One of the best ways I was able to start conversations with my parents was to ask them how they felt about things we saw on the news as we sat and watched TV together. When someone on TV was struggling with health issues or maintaining a home, I would ask them how they were doing in that regard. This natural style of conversation solicits ideas from them without having them feel like you are interrogating.

Another good way to approach them is to talk about their friends, because they may be more willing to talk about other people than they are about themselves. Whenever one of their friends would move into assisted living or sell a too-large house, I would be sure to ask Mom and Dad what they thought about it, and emphasize the positives. This is a good time to ask the questions about how they are coping with keeping up a home, such as:

Do you need a housekeeper to keep the home clean?Are you still able to get to the market and cook well-balanced meals?Are you able to take all your medications without mistakes?Do you get out of the house enough? When is the last time you went to the movies? Out to dinner?Are you lonely? Do you get to see your friends often enough?

Asking these questions are the best way to assess your parents' living situation, and can lead to discussions about the positives of assisted living.

One of the most common objections you might hear from them is about how much assisted living costs, and that it's too expensive. What many people fail to do when thinking about the cost, is to add up how much living in a home really costs. Housekeepers, gardeners, handymen, home owners insurance, utilities, taxes, mortgage payments, food, maintenance, and all the other expenses can actually be more than assisted living. This is another way to approach them - it might actually cost less!

Another tactic is to ask Mom and Dad separately how they feel. You just might be surprised to find they both really do want to move, but are afraid the other one doesn't want to and are afraid to broach the subject, and they haven't really talked about it!

Kirk Harney managed all aspects of his parents' lives for almost four years as they passed away from cancer, stroke, pneumonia and Alzheimer's. He is passionate about helping other caregivers and trustees cope and maintain healthy family relationships. For more information and a free medical information release form visit http://www.careforelderlyparents.com/